Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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