God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dicks are not precious.
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