My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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