and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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