She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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