i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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