Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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