I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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