mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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