Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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