You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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