I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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