yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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