...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize