know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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