so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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