you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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