he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize