He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize