Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize