his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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