I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize