I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She announced her abortion via fbk
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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