Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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