Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize