My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was confusing and full of hummus
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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