thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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