I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize