Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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