I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize