my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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