I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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