Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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