I just threw up on my dentist
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize