just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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