so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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