I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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