Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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