I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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