Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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