I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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