I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize