My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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