I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize