ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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