don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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