I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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