I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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