I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize