My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize